{Today's Reflection} Do it for Yourself

Oftentimes, I would always find myself mindful of what other people might think. Sometimes, I find it good but most of the time, not. It has torn me between doing and not doing something that I want and which most of the time, I would rather NOT do something just because I think that other people won't approve of it. And the end result: I feel regretful, unfulfilled and unhappy.

I came across the The Happiness Project book by Gretchen Rubin. For a year, she wrote theories, did research, tested those and see if there's a change in her state of happiness. At the start of the book,  she reiterated 12 commandments for herself that she would basically follow to obtain her goal which is as simple: to be happy. Her first commandment above anything else is: Be Gretchen. Yup, that's her first and priority rule, to be herself at all times.

I want to take, remind and live out that rule myself. Be Me. I think no other person could best live out that rule but ME. It sounds way too easy but actually practicing it by a person like me who's very much conscious to what other people say is quite hard. One instance I feel really conscious about is most of the time about my career which is actually not applicable to me at the moment simply because I'm not employed, just a stay-at-home mom. I know for a fact within me that I'm still not yet ready to work or go back and try to work in a company again. And I also know that I actually don't imagine myself working again for some employer. But what am I doing? I'm currently scouting job openings that best suit me or I think I will be good at even though my heart is telling me that I'm not yet ready to take a dive on the working pool again. And why am I doing it? Because I know my husband will like it. Because I want to show my in-laws that I'm getting back on my feet again. But at the end of the day, I could hear myself telling me, "Who are you actually kidding?"

See? I always try to please the people around me that I end up feeling miserable within. Today, I realized that it's time to put a stop to this kind of attitude. It's time to be true, to tap the inner me, to get back at the things that spoke well of me, to do things that won't compromise who I am and my happiness. I feel like it's a long way to go but nonetheless, I want to be happy and at home with myself so I am pushing this. It's time to do things for myself, not for other people.

Be Me.
Be Arianne.