Dear Tita Me, 

For the first time since Wednesday, I am allowing myself to grieve over you… without crying. 

Or at least I would try.

Maybe it hadn’t sank just yet to me that you’re already gone, is that a good thing or a bad thing? I can’t tell right now. 

The last time I saw you while you try your best to hide the pain you’re going through, all I could think of is how I could help take away your pain. 

I know it’s something I could not do but I want you to know that I really wish I could do anything to stop it. 

I hate to admit it to myself, but we all are aware that death is the only thing that could finally end it. 

Still, we couldn’t wish that you just die because we don’t want to lose you. 

Not just yet.

I know you don’t want people crying while looking at you and I’m really sorry for being a crybaby. 

Believe me, I tried my best not to shed a tear but they just won’t stop because while they pour, flashbacks of you and how you lived back came with them. 

I remembered the first time you brought us (your pamangkins) in a bar. 

My first Baguio Trip that you had to bargain and ask Daddy to allow me to join you.

The watch you gave me as a High School graduation present.

The dinner-massage-coffee bonding treat you gave me when I went to Cebu.

The countless mornings I’ll join you to Manila and the stories we’d share during the drive.

The way you’d make ‘lambing’ with a kiss and a hug every time you’ll see me after a long time.

The Looney Tunes shirt you gave me one Christmas when I was still a kid. 

The crazy Bingo games you’re always giddy about every Christmas. 

I know there are still a lot to share. 

And as I type this, I’m sorry for crying again.

It’s just that I miss you and it pains me because I know, I’ll never see you again.

I love you and I’m sorry for not always being there for you.

I hope that you are in a happy place now free of pain and smiling down to us.

I am crying because I miss you.

And because I am happy that you don’t have to suffer any longer.

Don’t worry about Mama and Dada, we’ll look after them. 

I know you’ll never be alone because Papa, Tito Bong and Tito Jun are there to welcome you. 

I love you, Tita Noeme.

You hold the spot for the Coolest Tita Ever. I’m being biased but I know your sibs would also say that.  

I will forever admire you for your strength and independence. 

For your charm and wit,

and for your zest towards life.

Thank you for all the memories.  

We accept this  pain coming from your loss because it liberated you from all the suffering.

Goodbye, Tita Me.

Send our hugs and kisses to Papa.

Until we meet again.

Arianne

Goodbye, Tita Me

Dear Tita Me, 

For the first time, since Wednesday, I am allowing myself to grieve over you… without crying. 

Or at least I would try.

Maybe it hadn’t sunk just yet to me that you’re already gone, is that a good thing or a bad thing? I can’t tell right now. 

The last time I saw you while you try your best to hide the pain you’re going through, all I could think of is how I could help and take it away. 

I know it’s something I could not do but I want you to know that I really wish I could do anything to stop it. 

I hate to admit it to myself, but we all are aware that death is the only thing that could finally end it. 

Still, we couldn’t wish that you just die because we don’t want to lose you. 

Not just yet.

I know you don’t want people crying while looking at you and I’m really sorry for being a crybaby. 

Believe me, I tried my best not to shed a tear but they just won’t stop because while they pour, flashbacks of you and how you lived back then came with them. 

I remembered the first time you brought us (your pamangkins) in a bar. 

My first Baguio Trip that you had to bargain and ask Daddy to allow me to join you.

The watch you gave me as a High School graduation present.

The dinner-massage-coffee bonding treat you gave me when I went to Cebu.

The countless mornings I’ll join you to Manila and the stories we’d share during the drive.

The way you’d make ‘lambing’ with a kiss and a hug every time you’ll see me after a long time.

The Looney Tunes shirt you gave me one Christmas when I was still a kid. 

The crazy Bingo games you’re always giddy about every Christmas. 

I know there are still a lot to share. 

And as I type this, I’m sorry for crying again.

It’s just that I miss you and it pains me because I know, I’ll never see you again.

I love you and I’m sorry for not always being there for you.

I hope that you are in a happy place now free of pain and smiling down to us.

I am crying because I miss you.

And because I am happy that you don’t have to suffer any longer.

Don’t worry about Mama and Dada, we’ll look after them. 

I know you’ll never be alone because Papa, Tito Bong and Tito Jun are there to welcome you. 

I love you, Tita Noeme.

You hold the spot for the Coolest Tita Ever. I’m being biased but I know your sibs would also say that.  

I will forever admire you for your strength and independence. 

For your charm and wit,

and for your zest towards life. 

We accept this  pain coming from your loss because it liberated you from all the suffering.

Goodbye, Tita Me.

Send our hugs and kisses to Papa.

Until we meet again.

Arianne

2013: A Year to Bounce Back

It is the fourth day of the year and I am currently spending this cool afternoon with the little man taking a cruise around the living room while patiently waiting for me to shower him some attention and hand him a piece of cracker.  

Finally, 2013 is here. In as much as I feel excited about how this new year’s going to be like for me, I’m feeling a little anxious and pressured too when I think about the career/money-making department.

Last year, my world mainly revolved around my small family particularly, with Inno. Being a first time mom, there had been a lot of lessons that I learned and sacrifices I had to make for the little one without even the slightest regret. I could say that I have never been as selfless as I was last year and for that I give myself a pat on the back. This year, I have no plans to change or stop that selflessness but rather, I plan to continue it and put a little twist while being at it.

My main concern why I really never opted for a job last year was of course, Inno. I wanted to be hands-on and even dreamed of becoming a Work-At-Home Mom for that matter, but still, I had to try my luck on a new career path. The odds were never in my favor (and I'm somehow thankful with that) because I never landed on one. Well, that WAHM dream still remains a dream and hopefully, I’d be able to finally make it happen this year. I know the journey wouldn’t be as smooth as any other journey but with patience and perseverance, I know I could make it through juggling motherhood, being a wife and chasing my dreams.

This year, I know is the time to finally step on the pedal and go after the things that I really love doing. 2012 has given me a lot of time to ponder about what I really want to do and to have in the future. It has been the pause that God has planned for me to prepare on the great journey that He will soon reveal to me. 2012 was the rest that I had always longed for; it was the perfect time for me to ready myself to what lies ahead.

Therefore, I claim that 2013 is my year. It is the year I am finally bouncing back, much eager and braver to chase my dreams and conquer my fears. I know I’m trekking an unusual path and that the thing I love to do for the rest of my life is something that not all people would choose to walk on through, but nothing will let me down. Because I know this dream is meant for me. No one could tell me how I should live my life the same way that I can’t tell other people how to live theirs.  J

How about you? What will you go after this year? 

Happy 2013!