Oh Why hello there, July!
We're officially on the second half of the year. Time flies and soon enough it will be Christmas season again. I could say that June has been good to me in a way that it opened a few exciting doors but of course, with my priority now who goes by the name of Inno, I had to reconsider a lot of times before diving into the pool. I'm still in search of the best and fitting job for me, a young mom who'd like to make sure that her child gets all the time and attention he needs while balancing with her chosen profession. It's a bit hard and kind of a pressure but I know it's something I had to take my time doing. I actually just realized how tough it could be with all the interviews and exams I had to go through again, but I'm not actually in a hurry since I don't want to end up (AGAIN) with a job that I won't really love and enjoy in the next coming years. I have considered taking up classes and workshops of things that I actually enjoy doing like crafts, baking and fashion styling but with all the expenses that would go with it, I had to think about it twice. I haven't mentioned it to Kali actually since I kinda know already what he'll say about it. I've also thought of taking up MA in Creative Writing but like my previous excuse, I don't think it'll ever be possible. At times it downs my spirit but I know I have to be practical. I need to end up with a good paying job that I would enjoy at the same time, then maybe, if time and budget permit, I could finally do these "extra curricular" activities.
I love June because it marked Inno's first quarter in his first year. I love how much he's changed already. From being that fragile bundled sweet pea, he's turned into an adorable little kid who's starting to show his genuinity. It's real happiness for me as a mom to witness how he unfolds himself day by day. The feeling is incomparable and priceless. For once in my life, I'm proud of myself for getting through the tough times and for that, I will always be thankful to Inno because he made everything worth it.
I love June because it was the month that I turned into a bookworm. I wouldn't say "bookworm AGAIN" because I wasn't really one back then when I read books only if I feel like it. Reading for me now has become both a necessity and a hobby. I don't think I'll ever stop in the near future. Last night, it dawned at me why I never actually thought about reading a lot during the time I was pregnant. Well, I actually did read a couple of fiction books when I was pregnant and the rest of the books were all about babies and pregnancy. You know. The Mommy Stuff. But anyway, I could say that reading a lot made me write comfortably. It's like when you get too accompanied with words from the books you read, you also gain that confidence in writing. It's like the words just come out freely. You don't have to think about it unlike before that I stumble with words. It put ease with writing. By the way, I was able to finish five books in a month.
While those are some of the things that made my last month memorable, June also offered me reasons to pause and remember two people I miss. Kuya Paul and Nana. It's been a year since Kuya Paul died and somehow, I still carry that regret. I still wish I was there for him when he needed someone to talk to or be with. Just like the good old days when he's there for me even if I don't ask him to. I still wish we could sit at McDo and talk about anything. But of course, its too late to even think about it now. Besides, he wouldn't want me to be sad when I think of him. I just can't help it. Its like there's always this hole in my heart and I could tell it would be like that for a while. I miss him, his weirdness, his sense of wit and humor. I miss how he talks and how he'd open up to me. I know wherever he is now, he's still figuring things out. Nonetheless, I try to be happy for him because this is how he wanted it to be. I just pray that wherever he is, he'll find the answers to his questions and that he'll be happy because in the end, we all deserve to be happy.
As for Nana, its been months since she passed away and last June 28 was her birthday. Unlike Kuya Paul, Nana died due to old age and some minor health problems that come with it. We miss her but we know it is time for her to rest. I know Kali misses her too, but he's afraid to breakdown in front of me. I remember the time she died and we can't go home to Lubang to pay our respects because it was still less a month after Inno arrived and I'm still recovering from giving birth. We were already about to sleep when Kali suddenly spoke about Nana. He said that going home to Lubang would be different now since Nana's gone already. That sent me to tears because I felt his loss and I'm just not brave enough to hold back my tears. I know he was just being strong but deep inside, he mourned for his Nana. I miss Nana and her strong personality. I miss how she'd share stories and would scold when she's irritated. I'm lucky to have met her because I know she prayed for me too like she did for everyone in the family. I'm sad though that Inno didn't get to meet her but I know she's always looking over us.
I'm hitting the bed anytime now but before I go, I'd like to remember this day so I'd write a few about it. We head to Centris earlier to attend mass, but since the weather was too hot, Kali and I with Inno, stayed at ChaTime while we wait for the mass to end. We're able to take a short walk in the organic market, then head back at home for lunch. Kuya Bayan and Ate Cha arrived with the kids. It was a typical Sunday with Julian being hyper and all but there's something with today that makes it memorable. I can't tell what, but whatever it is, it feels good and positive.
Anyway, there's a possibility that we'll be spending the next weekend in Baguio. It's been a while since Kali and I have been there and it would be a lot of fun to be back on the road again. There are plans being brewed but we're still waiting for it to finalize. Whether it'd be a yes or a no, I don't really mind because after all, it's still a weekend. And weekends meant family time. :)
I hope the next half of the year goes well with you all. I can't wait to welcome new opportunities that'd arrive in my doorstep. Soon, soon. I know there's something good that's meant for me.
x
